Contemplated Reply

May 31, 1786
11:55 p.m.

Hello,
Dear Sir.

I wanted you to have my best penmanship. I wonder if you will ever read this. I wonder if it will get lost, forgotten, or overlooked.
I can’t help it. My heart is so big. I’m conflicted internally because I don’t want to feel this way. I’m making life hard for myself. I realize that.
I don’t know your life. I don’t have to. I won’t try if you don’t want me to. I don’t want to make things hard for you. When I reach out to you, it’s not a plea for attention. It’s a moment of truth. Life gets like this when you are an honest person. I am not a saint. But I am not a liar. It is not in me. I try, but my face tells the truth. My heart speaks straight through my body.
One day, I’ll stop dreaming of that fairytale moment with you. I’ll stop smiling about the sarcastic conversations. I’ll forget the witty comments. I’ll close my eyes to the admiration of your gifted thoughts. I’ll try to see the bad in you. I’ll grow to hate you for your white privilege. I’ll call you a sell out and say you don’t really care about the black community. I’ll label you as anti-Christ and pray that He have mercy on your soul. I’ll lie to make myself feel better. I’ll do whatever it takes to shake this feeling.
For now, I dream of you... This too shall pass..

Green Eyes by Erykah Badu

This song is a classic. I lose myself in the words.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dh-FjG72FmQ

My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend

My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend

I don't care, I swear
I'm too thru with you
I am
You don't mean nothing to me
So go ahead and be with your friend

My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend

My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend

I'm insecure
But I can't help it
My mind says move on
My heart lags behind
But I don't love you any more
I'm so insecure
Never knew that love did this
Ooh, ooh
I can't remember the last time I felt this way
About somebody
You've done something to my mind
And I can't control it
But I don't love you any more
Yes I do,
I thinkLoving you is wrong baby
Ooh, ooh
La-di-da
Dum-dee-da-da
Dum-didi-da-da-da
Dum-didi-da-dum-di

I'm so confused
You tried to trick me yeah
Ooh, ooh, oh
Never knew that love could hurt like this
Never thought I would but I got dissed
Makes me feel so sad and hurt inside
Feel embarrased so I want to hide
Silly me I thought your love was true
Change my name to Silly E. Badu
Before I heal, it's gonna be a while
I know it's gonna be a while, chile

[ad-libs]

I hope it's not too late
Too late, too late, too late
Feeling insecure
Your love has got me sore
I don't want no more
Oh, oh
It's too late, oh, oh ooh, ooh
I'm sorry I love youAt first it was cool
You told me you loved me too, ooh
And then you lost your love
And then you lost your love
And then you lost your love
You wanted me to go away
But I can't go
See I can't leave, it's too lateI can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
Just make love to me
Just one more time and then you'll see
I can't believe I made a desparate plea
Believe me yeah, ye-ah, no, oh
You see I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
Don't you know, I can't leave, it's too late
Can't go no where, noIt's too late
It's too lateIt's too lateIt's too late yeah
Come on babe
Don't you want be strong with me
You told me we could have a family
Want to run to me when you're down and low
But times get tough and there you go
Out the door, you wanna run again
Open your arms and you'll come back in
Wanna run cause you say your afraid, afraid
Never knew what a friendship was
Never knew how to really love
You can't be what I need you to
And I don't know why i
_ with you
I know our love will never be the same
But I can't stand the growing pains

-Indy

Youth

I have been inspired.

I will not get tired.

I have been inspired.

No time to be tired.

Inspired.

May never retire.

Sex and the City Deuce: My thoughts and Yours

Single girls from all over New Orleans flocked to see Sex and the City II last night. I, of course, was one of them. I bedazzled my way through the crowd, sat front and center and titled my head towards the big screen! Ignorant of the plot, I anticipated the movie with my friend and gently sipped my “Jungle Juice” flavor daiquiri.
I prepared myself to be inspired. I yearned to have a deeper understand of love and intimacy. I hope to leave uplifted, embracing my single status as a gift rather than a curse, which is what society tries to make singles feel.
I couldn’t help but wonder…… Am I the only person that is watching this commercial movie for answers about my real life?
My thoughts were quickly interrupted by the opening song, the song of the year, Empire State of Mind. All of my focus went to the show. I’d like to think that the Jay’s voice had that effect on me.
As I sipped my beverage, which at this point began to work its magic, I lost myself in New York City. I giggled my way through the movie, satisfied with the fashion, tripped out by the climax, and not so impressed with the resolution.
From insecurities about weight and aging to the fear of infidelity in a relationship to pulling skeleton’s out of the closet, I found myself empathetic of situations that I encountered and those that never crossed my path.
Sex and the City, in general, reveals friendships to be non judgmental bonds that surpass every trial. It creates an untraditional depiction of love that suggests that each couple can create their own boundaries. Sex and the City also seperates the individual from society in showing that happiness and peace can be found in more than one way.

When I began to feel what each of the ladies were experiencing, I realized the purpose of movies like Sex and the City. Women need to feel connected to something. Knowing that people worldwide experience that same struggles that we battle with enables us to feel normal.

Here are the lessons that one can take from this movie.

1. Many times, we are made to feel ridiculous because we obsess over detail and are sensitive to emotions. This movie suggests that your thoughts and feelings are legit and worthy of attention.
2. Women can be strong enforcers in a relationship and not take over the positions of their men.
3. Women can make mistakes in a relationship and not be help more guilty than a man who makes slips that same way.
4. Relationships are not easy, but real love conquers all.
5. There are no rules.
6. A cute dress and pumps are a recipe for a splendid day!

My question to you……Can you really have sex and the city? Meaning, can one really be have a good relationship and still be all about pursuing their own interests in the world? How does it work?

Celibacy

Somebody already broke my heart. Do you want to follow in their footsteps? Would you rather not touch so that the property will be absent of damage? Do you deem me unworthy? My insecure heart is too gentle to handle this oppression. I shall purify my soul and fight the urge to love until every part of me is ready. Will it be too late?

Sleeping With the Enemy

When did my heart become my enemy? I thought we were a team. My nemesis is haunting me. She wants me to do the unimaginable. She wants me to break all of the rules. She wants me to stop thinking. The protagonist in me won’t allow me to do anything less than save her. Where shall I carry her being? She is stuck in between two worlds. Is the darker side more pain than pleasure? How will one ever know? Where should I go? Slowly. Surely. I’m caught in the maze of… The crazy craze of….. I don’t know where to go.

I want to walk away. Take my feet and gracefully stride by, turning the corner with haste. Nope. I lay at night, dreaming. I sneak off in the day..to dream. I can’t escape the urge. The sensation stimulates my soul. How will I know if it is right? The world tells me it is wrong.

I want to say all of the things that I should have said. No regrets. Will you allow me?

General Inspiration

Witnessing the productivity of a ground-breaking general inspires my soul.

I silently watch, in awe, as the confident chief leads his people towards victory. One battle at a time, he urges his troops to work hard and be nice. The seminar begins. I hear the song of an angel and observe utensils moving as swift as the morning’s breeze. Dominating the territory, he instructs his followers on the protocol and traditions of war. The general subjectively outlines.

1. Know why you are fighting and what you are fighting for.
2. Form your own opinion because what you think matters.
3. Believe in your choice.
4. Don’t be afraid to compromise.
5. Move.

My eyes are focused as I analyze the general’s purpose and humbly observe him pushing his troops to give their best effort. An intelligent scholar, the general moves around the crowd and uplifts their spirits with wisdom. I take mental notes and wonder if I will ever carry the torch as gracefully as he does. The flame burns and reflects in his eyes.

The general, fierce in his deliverance, magically reveals authentic sequences to his troops. He gently opens his ear to their concerns and responds with great heart. The stoic expression on his face sings compassion and tenacious faith.

When he speaks, no one dares to interrupt. His exuberant voice keeps hope alive. The ingenious preparation that he commits towards the craft of excellence and domination impresses allies, intimidates foes and intrigues strangers.

The hearts and minds of the young innovative fighters grow as they are molded into conquerors through his leadership. Minds are motivated to persevere through tough challenges. Maturing soldiers are encouraged to rise up for the greater good.

I enlist. I report to duty without delay. This war is ours. We are the change.


Mission accomplished.

I Vow to Change My Mind

I used to live in a box: a place where there were many boundaries. The wiser I become, the more my mind stretches outside of the wintry walls. I have to break free! I need a change. Living in a tight space is suffocating. I must find freedom through changing my perception of the world.
Until very recently, I neglected to learn about things that were not a norm in my daily life. My vision was blurred by this lack of diversity. With an effort to overcome the bondage placed on my mind, my goal is to become a scholar of the world. I want to experience various cultures, religions, languages, genres of dance, literature, music, food and histories.
To be an expert of the world, I must see it! I want to travel this earth, as if I were a gypsy. I love my America: she belongs to me. I shall not abandon my country, but I can't die wondering what it would have been like if I'd neglected to go on a journey of enlightenment. I'd like to see if chivalry is dead in Paris, take pictures of the unique architecture in Rome, evaluate the political system in China, pray to Christ in Italy, and witness the reform of education and poverty in Africa. I want to walk barefoot on Jamaican sands, leaving a funky footprint of peace. I'd like to sail the Atlantic Ocean and hear tales about the slave trade that changed my peoples' history. Like a caterpillar, I will blossom into a beautiful butterfly, expand my wings and soar across new lands, leaving each place more colorful than it was when I arrived.
Most importantly, in order to become a guru of the world, I must stop limiting myself. Having poise and confidence will give me the courage to venture out and conquer new challenges. I must not fear the unknown. Instead, I have to believe in myself, and go for it! Once I begin to make these changes within myself, I'll be one step closer to changing the universe; for it is my duty to be the change that I want to see in the world.